My fiance made a bad joke once. He said we’d get married on June 24th when Britain voted to leave the EU. He’d grab me by the hand and whisk his immigrant away to the courthouse. Then I could stay, and we’d be happy. Exchanging the basis of my UK residency from an EU passport to a marriage visa wouldn’t really make us feel any … Continue reading So When Am I Getting Deported?
You can tell when a man is peeing. His feet are planted firmly on the ground, his hips are thrust forward ever so slightly, and he is usually looking ahead, shoulders relaxed, content in this moment of release. This is just how the English hipster in the hipster café looked last week. Humming quietly to myself, I pushed the bathroom door open and was met … Continue reading Is the Unisex Loo Making a Comeback?
I balked and stood helplessly alone with my old lover. With thirteen other candidates lined up, I didn’t know what to do. After living in Europe, the sad truth was that I wanted none of them. I saw them now for what they were, sad, watered-down, bastardised versions of the real thing. “I can’t choose,” I bemoaned to Emily, who had brought me to this … Continue reading For the Love of Amurican Coffee
“Are you living in the UK?” the American border guard asked me as he scrutinized my U.S. passport. My pulse began to quicken. I had given him my friendliest smile, answered his questions with confidence, and knew I had nothing to worry about. Yes, I was living in the UK, but my Hungarian passport meant that wasn’t a problem. At the same time, I also … Continue reading Talking like a Brit, Sounding like an American
People experience temperature differently here in Scotland. Either their blood is thicker or their skin is. It’s just how they’re made. Then there’s me in my full length winter coat, vest, wool jumper, turtleneck, long sleeve shirt, underarmour, undershirt, replete with two pairs of socks and thick winter boots. Oh, did I mention the scarf? Setting out each morning on my arctic expedition, I pass … Continue reading Warming Up in Scotland
5. “Do I detect a twang?” After living and working in Scotland, you start to forget you sound different. Your colleagues are used to the way to speak, and you’ve become familiar with all the strange Scottish place names and their spellings (like Carnoustie – pronounced Kenusty – and Authmithie, which just sounds like gibberish when a Scotsman pronounces the word quickly). So it starts … Continue reading 5 Things I Didn’t Expect When I Moved to Scotland
Now this was human labour, toil, and ingenuity at its finest. No, not the all-you-can-eat buffet of deep fried food oblivion I was about to step into. I’ll get to that. But first let me tell you about the Bell Rock Lighthouse, a lone giant sitting 11 miles off the coast of Arbroath, Scotland steering ships safely to shore for over 200 years. That makes … Continue reading Scotland: Of Lighthouses & Deep Fried Food
I spent this New Year’s Eve in the dance house of the ancients. Instead of bumping and grinding to bass thumping beats in a sweaty mess of low lit bodies, I swung my partner and do-si-doed. Welcome to the ceilidh, pronounced “kay-lee,” the granddaddy of the country square dancing you may have learned in elementary school. While the dancing I learned in school was of … Continue reading Keep Calm and Ceilidh On: New Year’s Eve in the UK
On a recent afternoon lunchtime in St. Andrews, Andrea was foodbombed by a seagull. Three seagulls to be precise. It happened something like this. David had prepared the sandwiches the night before, but that day Andrea went to Tesco to buy the secret ingredient to make all sandwiches lacking mayonnaise the most delicious of all meals: salami. As they sat on the bench overlooking the … Continue reading Foodbombed by a seagull
1. You think everything is cheapYou think everything is very reasonably priced – $2 for a latte, nice! – until you remember that in fact it’s almost double what you thought. 2. You don’t understand the NHS You instinctively reach for your wallet after your doctor’s appointment to pay the co-pay. When you don’t have to, you wonder whether your health care premium will go … Continue reading You know you’re an American in Britain when…
The Dancing Bagpipe 